I am actively communicating with one guy from eH. He is one who in sign contact I wasn’t too interested in but had no real reason to close the be so I proceeded. After a few messages approve and forth in open communication his subscription ended but as he wanted to keep communicating he left me his telecommunicate myspace summon cerebrate and telecommunicate be.
Long-ish story short. I checked out his MySpace page and found his “extracurricular interests” included a host of pro-wrestling shows the Left Behind movies and two of his heroes were pro-wrestlers… ::cringe:: Carla and I be to email each other as if we were on instant messanger every once in awhile so this all comes out during a one of these telecommunicate conversations. Because I’m not creative enough/I’m not feeling up to the task of recreating our conversation for this here are some copies and pastes of what follows:
Megan: I really wanted to furnish this guy a chance and not move out because I didn’t like superficial things about him or even more because I was scared. He seems to have some really great qualities and has actually started to pursue me in a way I think is neat. But where does it go that enough is enough? He is willing to call me but understands if I want to direct off but isn’t the cutest guy you’ll ever meet (but then again. 1) not everyone is photogenic. 2) I be to go for guys who aren’t the totally obviously hot guys but the normal ones and 3) none of the “hot” guys are intested in me anyway) he’s willing to try displace dancing and likes old movies and seems like a person I could be friends with but he’s a total wrestling geek and I ordain never spend another minute of my life watching another Left Behind movie (once was one time too many).  I dislike eH.
Carla: Darlin’. I hate to tell you–but that’s not eHarmony. That’s just dating. There’s a line somewhere between friends material and dating material. Some people you’re just not going to be compatible with because you don’t “click,” and some you ordain be change surface though they desire Nickelback and you think it’s insulting to music to denominate Nickelback a band. I don’t know where that line is. Sometimes you just have to find out the hard way.
Megan: When it comes to dating. I feel desire a 15 year old. A retarded sheltered 15 year old. Who lives in a hit in the ground. Yet somehow. I’m the one everyone comes to for dating advice… Anyways when I first told another friend about my hesitations about this guy (before the MySpace page) she yelled at me about giving him a come about something I needed to hear. I experience that there’s that lie and since I haven’t even had an actual conversation with this guy on the telecommunicate/in person. I can’t confirm to myself cutting him off (even if he has these totally unappealing interests. I mean. I don’t have to sit and watch wrestling with him or God forbid the Left Behind movies.). We’ll see. I just have to tell myself not to panic out sometimes.
Megan: We actually talked about that a lot at church this week. About how we can’t be healed in a displace that isn’t known… and that we sabotage ourselves by not opening up to others about our wounds and fears because we’re afraid. With this whole eH thing. I be to put myself out there and see what happens. Thanks for talking me off the ledge. :o) I just realized this in emailing about my Mr eH with my other friend. I know I’m a bit jaded just looking for something to be wrong. That if I ever get the “privilege” of being in an actual adult relationship it’s going to be with some total weirdo. Kind of that I’m not worth it in God’s eyes or something. desire either He’s not good enough or I’m not. Or both maybe. A definite defeatist attitude at bring home the bacon here.
Carla: Remember in the Henry Cloud book how he talks about the whole affect not only showing you things about other people but showing you things and healing things within yourself? This is totally one of those moments. Not that the realization makes it all exceed–but that’s a huge realization. And you ARE worth it. You are a smart sassy hilarious loyal friendly fun-to-be around beautiful woman. You undergo a lot to furnish someone. And you might have to go through some relational awkwardness before you find someone you are willing to fasten around with and vice versa… but that’s why it’s called dating and not arranged marriage. :) (This is also why I like Dr. Cloud’s philosophy on a relationship not being a failure just because it ends.)
Megan: I actually never read/bought that book (if it’s the dating one you’re talking about). I skimmed the first few chapters when you were doing it but not more than that. Wow this is one therapuetic set of emails haha. Thanks for your words of encouragement. You’re right this IS one of those moments. Something to ponder. I know this about myself but I lose focus of it in the burying of all things painful emotionally and spiritually and as I run from God (not doing stellar spiritually lately actually).  It’s funny that I work intimately with a enter whose entire goal is t convince women of their worth and determine in Christ and I don’t accept it myself.
If anything doing eH has become a therapuetic thing in a comprehend. It’s hard trying to cultivate this type of relationship online because it’s hard to not make character judgements based on the little bit of information you have about someone in a displace where you DO need to make some sort of judgement about them (whether or not you want to get to experience them go out them etc.). If anything. I’ve learned that you CANNOT do this in isolation. Utterly cannot. I’m so glad that I undergo friends who compassionate enough about me to not let me freak out about things that in “real life” I wouldn’t make such a big broach about.
(I actually talked to Mr eH on the phone for about 3 minutes last night. I entangle a bit like a teenager and almost didn’t answer the label but decided to act like an adult and actually do it. :o) We’re going to converse again sometime soon. We’ll see how where this goes and wherever it does go it’s okay and I won’t let my fears overwhelm me. And if I do. I have a few great friends to call who ordain communicate me back down again. Thanks gals.)
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Related article:
http://thedatingproject.wordpress.com/2007/09/20/talking-me-off-the-ledge/
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