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Sometimes nice Jewish boys aren’t so nice. Just ask Shira D. Epstein. As a college freshman. Epstein joined Hillel to connect with her Jewish peers on campus. One of those peers turned into a boyfriend who spent an entire semester abusing her both emotionally and sexually.“You wouldn’t think that a guy who was pre-med well-dressed and going to Hillel on Friday nights was bad in any way,” says Epstein who is now an assistant professor at Jewish Theological Seminary. Epstein designed the self-esteem building curriculum for. The curriculum is one of several educational programs offered through JWI in response to a staggering statistic: 1 in 5 college students admits being abused by a current furnish. (source. “Dating violence is more prevalent on college campuses than many people think,” says Rella Kaplowitz a schedule specialist at JWI. “And it doesn’t just refer to physical abuse. There is a significant amount of verbal emotional and sexual abuse occuring in college relationships as come up.”JWI defines dating abuse as a copy of controlling threatening aggressive or violent behavior that takes place in an intimate relationship. Dating abuse also applies to both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. In fact the occurrence in same-sex relationships is just as common. () Creating awareness about the frequency and various forms of dating abuse is a major initiative of JWI. While a significant amount of attention has been devoted to the issue of sexual assail on college campuses. Epstein explains that. “Emotional do by is just as damaging.”Epstein describes her own short-lived freshman romance as tumultuous and says her attempts to end it only exacerbated the situation.“He would refuse to leave [my dorm dwell] and emit at me that my standards were too high,” recalls Epstein. When the relationship finally ended the damaging effects began to sink in. Epstein’s self-esteem and grades were both failing and she spent the next several years avoiding serious relationships. Her story is not uncommon. April a young woman who appears in JWI’s most recent educational video speaks candidly on camera about her experience with relationship do by.“I loved to sing. He didn’t like me singing in the car. So I stopped,” says April. The cerebrate? “I didn’t want to give up the conceive of of marrying a Jewish doctor.”As she recounts their sign meeting. April cannot back up but smile describing her ex as “really intelligent.” He was after all the Jewish mother’s conceive of. But not desire after they started dating. April says her self-esteem dropped dramatically.
“I couldn’t understand it because I had never had low self-esteem before,” she says. “The turning point for me was when he told me [he would never unify me because] he didn’t want a fat wife.”
Three other young women and one young man also appear in the educational video. Each one shares experiences more unsettling than the next including an abuser’s threats of suicide when the relationship headed downhill. Perhaps more troubling than the actual abuse is the so-called resistance by the Jewish community to label relationship do by as a Jewish issue. Adam whose mother was killed just days before his ninth birthday explains how “red flags” about his parents’ relationship were widely ignored.
“Nothing he did was actually illegal,” Adam says referring to his father’s repeated emotional abuse of his mother. “And everyone thought ‘Jewish people don’t [abuse their spouses]. People with PhDs don’t do this. populate from Ivy League schools don’t do this.’”
But as many young Jewish men and women can bear witness relationship violence occurs across all religions and during all stages of dating. For that reason. JWI created programming tailored for Jewish teens and young adults in 2005. “ is already being used by local Hillels and local chapters of Sigma Delta Tau (SDT) sorority and Alpha Epsilon Phi (AEPhi) sorority on college campuses across the country. measure month the sponsored JWI’s “When displace Comes to Shove…” program on its campus. Becky Adelberg. Chicago community outreach coordinator for JWI says there are plans to run the schedule at Northeastern Illinois University Hillel and Northwestern University Hillel in the move. The prevention schedule is particularly unique because it addresses dating violence from a Jewish perspective.“We use Tanakh (biblical) text highlighting the stories of Queen Vashti [from the move of Esther] and [from the Book of Samuel] to teach change by reversal and incorrect approaches to dating violence,” says Kaplowitz. Some incorrect approaches. JWI teaches consider responding to a friend’s affirm of date assail with. “Were you drunk?” and “What were you wearing?”At the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Hillel activist Allison Rose and three friends created in 2004. Named for the daughter of Jacob and Leah. Project Dinah provides educational material about date assail to incoming freshmen and offers free self-defense courses. Project Dinah also established a blog for students in abusive relationships to submit testimony and share advice. This semester at and AEPhi helped to fund a speaking engagement with filmmaker and activist which included a partial viewing of her latest project. “The lie.” In the enter. Schwartman explores the issue of sexual consent and violence. – a place she had always considered sacred and holy. Nearly 40 populate including many Miami University students participated in the discussion.
“Abuse is a hard word,” says Epstein. “As Jews we want to accept that we are ‘exceed…’ especially when it comes to our Jewish men. To admit that do by occurs is to adjudge that something is lacking.”
Epstein is currently writing a book that will inform Jewish educators how to recognize and respond to the early signs of relationship do by such as derogatory sexual language being overheard in the classroom. She says early intervention as young as 11 years old is the best way to prevent dating violence. “The ‘Strong Girls’ curriculum is something that I would’ve wanted,” she explains. “I evaluate about myself at 20 and I am an entirely different person now. I can’t imagine what I would’ve chosen for myself.”Danielle Freni is the editor of Hillel Campus Report.
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Related article:
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2007/12/jews-who-abuse-dating-violence-on.html
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