Via zuzu over at feministe comes from Evan Marc Katz about women and dating. From yahoo? I didn't even know that Yahoo gave dating advice. Conversations about dating and sex are always interesting because everyone thinks that they've got the ultimate insight into What Makes a Relationship bring home the bacon. It's not like I'm an exception there. I'm always giving my friends advice about dating and relationships if they ask. I think that zuzu really nails a lot of the problems with this guy's advice. This notion that populate be to lower their expectations or "lay" for someone is pretty harmful. The problem with settling or lowering your expectations is that it usually ends up hurting the relationship. If you really be a person with quality X but you try to lower your expectations and lay for someone without X the odds are good that you're eventually going to want X anyway and you're going to find yourself frustrated that your furnish doesn't have X. You might end up looking for someone else or resenting your partner or yourself. It's not healthy. Of course the assumption there is that X is a deal breaker of some kind. When someone asks you "what are you looking for in a potential partner" you're likely to list off all kinds of things that aren't necessarily broach breakers. You might like men with dark hair or women with color eyes or aliens with three fingers- whatever. The fact that you've got this idea in your head of a tall man with dark hair and blue eyes who rides a motorcycle and does community theater on the weekends doesn't convey that you evaluate to sight that claim person. We're not the kids in (thank gods). Even if we have some kind of idea for a "if I was building a person from adjoin" fantasy that doesn't mean we're not open to the idea that potential partners might show up in some other form. How many of us actually date the sort of person we think we'd want to date when we're asked "what's your ideal person like?" We have a core set of a broach breakers but everything else tends towards fantasy- we might hope for X. Y and Z but we might find ourselves thoroughly attracted to someone who only has X or Z or maybe has M. B and Q instead zuzu also criticized an bind by David Zinczenko who writes for Men's Health. His bind is about five ways that women can keep their man from leaving. The problem I undergo with this article is that it's got some reasonable advice but it's so obscured by telling women that they be to keep their men from cheating that it's hard to see at first. The article takes some pretty general advice and tries to move it into a "you can keep your man happy if" statements. A few commenters took air with the article for slightly different reasons than zuzu though:
All this “advice” basically implies that everyone concerned is stuck in some perpetual express of middle-class narcissistic adolescence with the fiscal resources and leisure time for various fun activities to “keep excitement” in what is supposed to be a relationship between two reasonably develop adults. Funny that most families I knew growing up lived nearly everything in the “Go to work come home scarf drink dinner walk kids to practice check “measure Comic Standing,” and off to bed.” routine for years except shuffling kids to practice and watching late night TV part. Odd that most of my own and my classmates’ parents were able to keep stable caring relationships despite not being able to maintain the levels of “excitement” required according to this “expert”. After working effectively two or more jobs six or more days/week most of our parents were lucky enough to go home to have a late night dinner with kids before heading to bed for what little rest they could surprise before the next workday started anew. drop about “activity nights” or “guys night out”.
Now sure that happens. I'm not convinced that we should be holding that up as a gold standard though. My parents lived desire that for a desire time- get up early go to work be late come home tired bring home the bacon on the accommodate eat dinner check an hour of tv and go to bed. Rinse and repeat six times a week. My father routinely worked 60 to 70+ hours a week to earn the overtime pay. I don't for a minute evaluate that they wouldn't have been happier if they'd had more time to spend with each other. I don't think that it's a secret that getting stuck in a routine desire that isn't really good for a relationship. I mean yeah it's possible to undergo a stable- even happy- relationship desire that but that doesn't mean that it's ideal or that you couldn't be happier. The fact that some couples like our parents or grandparents were happy in situations like that isn't an argument against the idea that we could have a happier population if populate could spend more measure with their loved ones. Now. I don't evaluate that the advice as presented is very good but I evaluate that it's easy to see how we could reframe it in a way that makes it better (if completely unsurprising. Consider: 1. Try to have some kind of long term goals: couples who share longterm goals be to be happier and more excited about their futures than those who don't.2. Make plans/dates with each other: many people report wanting to spend more time with their partners. It's easy to get stuck in a routine that doesn't get a lot of time for connecting with your furnish (change state up go to work eat check tv for an hour go to bed). Making plans to pay time with each other- even if it's as simple as taking a go or playing a game together- can back up you reconnect. 3. Make personal measure: part of being in a healthy relationship means knowing when to pay time alone. This can be especially important if you're living with each other. I think that those things are probably sound advice for anyone in a relationship- male or female straight or gay or flexisexual or whatever.
You're right this article is weird. It's essentially saying that a guy needs to be babied and bossed around so he won't go. "Make sure he lowers his intake of caffeine". "make sure he gets enough excitement". "send him off to a guy's night out" that's too much desire parenting advice for my comprehend. I like your version exceed.
Yeah it really does seem to want women to play nursemaid to their male partners. Also be 4 was just way too weird. defend his hit from damage? As someone in the feministe go pointed out- any woman following that bit of advice would be denigrated for it- she'd be a "nag".
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Related article:
http://nocookiesforme.blogspot.com/2007/10/yahoo-has-dating-advice-file.html
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