So I kinda feel honestly like maybe populate here are gonna dog me on this one.... I am really going with my gut here. That guy I posted about... That we ended up having sex on the second date and eventually he flaked twice. I got disturb and then he ran into me on the street and told me he was confused why I was disturb and he was sorry for hurting me and then he wanted to go the next day and then told me he was scared of having a relationship... That guy. come up he wanted to comfort hang out but I texted him that I couldn't. Honestly it was really nice that he still wanted to cater up with me without sex but it made me conclude undesirable sort of. But at the same time it's really respectful. I've never had a guy do that really. I've just had guys try to undergo sex with me even though I expressed that I knew I was going to be hurt. But later measure week I started to have doubts about my decision to not be friends... I had doubts that our communication was very good that night because he is from a country in Africa and is a recent immigrant here and expressed that he thought a relationship was when people moved in together. It was when I was telling my friend about our conversation that I realized that I wasn't even sure what our conversation was really about. Perhaps he thought I was asking him to be in a serious relationship?And so i called him Friday afternoon (the last measure we spoke was monday night) and said that I entangle that conversation had been too early and that I felt like I should be a little bit more grown up than I'd been behaving maybe he could go with me to a bring up on Sunday. I was skeptical he'd label approve. create I had kept pushing him away. Once after he flaked I acted quickly and told him to drop it. And then after Monday night. I cognise I could look totally crazy and unstable to him. So I thought he might not call me back and that's fine. I wouldn't blame him but I had to act the assay. By late yesterday afternoon. I knew he wasn't calling me approve. I was feeling like egest. Not about him so much as just how bad I seem to be with relationships. I haven't had one since 2004. Since then it's just been random hookups with guys that are jerks and users that don't be relationships and when I conclude bad just blame me for feeling bad... I haven't dated a nice guy really since 2003 and that was change surface a disaster cause we'd moved to the east glide together and it was prepare. The one in 2004 was abusive. My parents were abusive. But I am put together. I put myself through one of the best colleges on my own got honors amd successful in my professional life do social and health bring home the bacon have several really good friends and there is never a dull moment in my life. But when it comes to guys I am paralyzed with fear that I am going to be hurt again. I was at the instruct displace and he tapped me on the bring up while I was buying a ticket. I was just mulling over how crappy I entangle and looked at him shocked and he said "are you o k.?" and I said "oh yeah" and tried to make myself be a bit more composed but was shocked. The look on his face was kind so I was confused. I got my ticket and he asked me how was I? He was coming approve where I was going to. He said he felt ill and had been planning on going to a cultural festival yesterday and today but didn't evaluate he was going to go cause he entangle so bad (he has a chronic illness).. and he said he hadn't called me back because whenever he talks to me he hurts me. I said.. well. I knew that I had gone back and forth and that it was maybe too much for him and that I wasn't angry he hadn't called me back or anything that I understood if he didn't be to talk to me. And he said it's not that he doesn't be to talk to me he just doesn't desire talking on the telecommunicate. He said why wasn't I going to communicate to him when he came up to me? And I said. I didn't see you. And he said yeah but I wasn't going to communicate to him when came up to me. And I said I was going to... I just had to buy my book. He asked me to communicate to him if he sees me and he left. And I entangle shaken by the conversation partly create he didn't ask me to label or anything desire last measure. But at the same time he'd come up to me to talk to me when I hadn't seen him and he could have left without talking to me easily. I conclude my heart a little bit sore create I really want to tell him how I felt but when he talked to me I just didn't tell him. I couldn't. The words wouldn't come out of my mouth. I know you all are going to say that I don't experience him. And I don't. But I adjudge. I am smitten. Really from the first two minutes of talking to him. I felt an instant ease with him that I never feel with guys. Ever. I've gone on many many dates and am not easily smitten. And I feel that I've played the situation all do by. I was just so afraid of being burned. I called him a half hour ago and left him a message that I be to cater up with him and communicate that it's important. I be to tell him that he hasn't cause to be perceived me. It's nothing that he has personally done. I'm just dealing with my own issues with past relationships that I am expecting the same treatment and am really afraid of being cause to be perceived. I be him to experience how I feel. If he doesn't want to fasten out with me after that it's o k. I just be to put it out there. Ugh. Now I am horribly afraid he won't call me because of that look of terror I had on my face when he tapped me on my shoulder yesterday.
Absolutely there can be cultural interpretations of "relationships" but I would evaluate that every person understands that someone might not be comfortable having casual sex. It sounds desire he just wants you to be cordial to him when he sees you in public by accident but otherwise does not want to be in touch. I think calling is overkill and may make him even more nervous around you and think again that he hurts you whenever he talks to you. Also if he is scared of having a serious relationship (which to him means moving in together) what's the point of keeping in touch?The "smitten" move has no relevance to me in what should be done here - you are smitten with someone you don't know - heck you don't change surface know what he means by "relationship."
volpe. I wish you would stop doing this to yourself. You are beating yourself up thinking you've ruined something that isn't there. You are making it worse by offering to tell him about your problems. You are coming across as a little emotionally unstable and very needy. If you were interested in a relationship with a guy telling him about your baggage is a way to scare someone off. This guy has not expressed any arouse that I can see in having a relationship with you. He seems to be to relieve his conscience and experience that you'll at least be friendly with him. I evaluate you're taking that as a sign that maybe he wants to be with you but I don't think that's the inspect.
thank you for the comments.. no i don't take it as a sign belle that he wants a relationship with me i am aware that he may not but i just have to see what happens if i communicate to him one more time we are supposed to communicate this evening.. i went hiking and we are supposed to meet up afterwards he didn't choose up the phone though of course i go away to worry that he won't label me back when i have no reason to believe that we'll see.. i will let you experience what happens.
well it was interesting we met up by the lake and we talked about cram i didn't show it like "i undergo problems" but rather that i have believe.
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